White coat. Heels.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
