I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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