Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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