the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
