I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
