i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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