So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How does one acquire holy water?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
