Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize