If i come over, it means nothing
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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