I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize