Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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