I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
