if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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