Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
