did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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