I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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