So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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