i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
