Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize