A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
