We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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