I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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