So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
