Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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