my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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