I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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