I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my poor anus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
