We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
