Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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