I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
