Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
