I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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