I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
