Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
