I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
