ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
too bad you live with your parents still
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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