Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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