Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
