I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
