He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
