Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
