Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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