Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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