Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
