I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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