I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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