U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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