apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
