what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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