sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
