i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
