Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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