It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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