in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
