I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize