Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
