Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
