My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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