You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
