dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
