Christians are straight up FREAKS
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
