i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
