they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
