Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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