Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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