he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
