when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
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He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
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If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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