We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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