He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This baby is an asshole
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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