I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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