so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
