I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Randomize
